50 Things More Gothic And Respectable Than Twilight

1. Rentaghost
2. A child shining a torch upwards onto their face
   
3. Derek Acorah
4. The Trap Door
5. Long-forgotten ITV Saturday morning show Ghost Train
6. An actual ghost train
7. A lolly stick with "What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spookhetti!" printed on it.
8. A werewolf glove from a joke shop
9. The Groovy Ghoulies
10. Shakespear's Sister
    
11. A pair of novelty plastic Halloween fangs from ASDA, 9p
12. The Amityville Horror and the seven diabolical sequels that followed
13. The Demon Headmaster
14. Babylon Zoo
15. Count Duckula
16. Secretly keeping your hand hidden behind a door or desk and then making it 'strangle' you as if it's someone else's hand
17. The Monster Mash
18. Covering yourself in toilet roll as a cheap mummy costume for Halloween
19. A rubber bat on a piece of elastic
20. The Sarah-Jane Adventures
21. In comic strips, where the main character has an angel and an devil version of himself that give good/evil advice
22. Plan 9 From Outer Space
23. That ancient trick where you make your thumb appear detached from your hand
24. The skeleton baddies in arcade game Golden Axe
25. Ghostbusters 2
26. In The Night Garden
    
27. The joke "Why didn't the skeleton attend the ball? Because he had nobody to go with"
28. Evil Michael Knight
29. Cyndi Lauper
30. The flaming skulls in Sega arcade game Wonder Boy
31. Keith Harris & Orville's Messy Monsters game
32. Any October 31st editions of Whizzer and Chips
33. Alan Partridge's 'abstract zombie'
34. The Munsters
35. Meat Loaf
36. Caspar the Friendly Ghost
37. That one from Bananarama dressed as a devil in their video for Venus
38. The drama segment 'Dark Towers' from BBC Schools programme Look & Read
39. Dr and the Medics
40. Shiver and Shake comic
41. Carry On Screaming
42. Spray-on cobwebs
43. Any bored 6 year old girl dressed as a witch for a carnival
44. TNA wrestler Daffney
45. Grotbags the witch from Emu's World
    
46. Red-and-black striped tights
47. A badly-rendered drawing of an Iron Maiden album cover on a school exercise book, made by that greasy-haired kid who smells of marzipan
    
48. Those novelty eyes-on-springs glasses
49. Blinky, Pinky, Inky and Clyde
50. Abbott & Costello meet Frankenstein
    

Wellingborough MP Peter Bone can't handle web critics

Enjoying your internet connection? Like browsing the web? You've been let down.

"You can be punished for the actions of a friend or even a neighbour who has used your Internet connection." - OpenRightsGroup on the Digital Economy Bill.

"Essentially translating as “We can, via the secretary of state for business, take down any website we don’t like simply by citing a connection to some form of copyright infringement” - Jamie Thompson on the Digital Economy Bill.

The UK is ready to get China-style censorship of the internet, with the forthcoming Digital Economy Act that was voted in against the tens of thousands of wishes expressed by ordinary computer users. A despicable collection of MPs voted in favour of online censorship.

Politicians are a breed of people who have a lowly reputation, wedged somewhere between a orphanage arsonist and a commercial radio DJ. With the shameless expenses scandal, and a national economy so broken not even Cash Converters would accept it, there appears to be no hope for MPs trying to prove they share the same DNA as us.

It's no wonder that over half the population would rather vote on Big Brother or whatever Simon-Cowell-fronted sneer-fest is running at the moment. If you're in the company of friends and mention that you take an interest in politics, you may as well have sprayed concentrated halitosis in their faces.

There's simply no interest in Parliament these days, and I think the MPs rather like that. With the heavily articulate wordings of proposed laws, the endless exchange of statistics and monotone speeches, it's no surprise Joe Sixpack doesn't tune in.

Besides, when have you had a politician actually LISTEN to you? They don't do that, do they?

Recently, the Digital Economy Bill was proposed by the Labour government to impose censorship on UK internet services, all in the name of "reducing piracy". Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long to realise that the bill had been lobbied for by the BPI - the UK's record industry. In fact, large portions of this censorship law had been written by the BPI.

We know the record industry is angered at the millions of MP3s available illegally on the internet, and have pushed an anti-piracy agenda so heavily that they ignore the bigger picture - why piracy occurs in the first place.

Digital files are easy to copy and distribute, they cost almost next-to-nothing, they don't take up physical space and are theoretically infinite in supply. Compared to the physical product (such as a CD or vinyl record), there's a lot of convenience.

Yet the record industries still persist in selling their downloads at equivalent prices to the CD. They get a bigger margin, refusing to pass on any of the cost savings to the consumer.

Let's not forget the record industry tried to ban MP3 players back in 1999, so I don't have sympathy for the wailing dinosaurs. Imagine if they got their way! We know they spent most of the noughties coming up with rival formats, all of them were cumbersome and highly restrictive. No wonder they failed!

However, one small victory for the record industry is that Peter Mandelson recently holidayed with record boss David Geffen. And just by pure "coincidence", Mandelson later decided to put forward a law forcing all UK ISPs to regulate what you look at online, in the interests of copyright.

Those of you who've read this blog will know how I exposed Lily Allen for her copyright-infringement, along with Lily's response to me falling flat on its face.

Well, last week I discovered that Peter Mandelson has followed in Lily's footsteps as a copyright hypocrite. Again, I reported the story to techdirt.com, who are always keen to showcase the "do as I say, not as I do" arrogance of politicians and musicians who insist copyright should be stronger, despite masses of economic studies showing that lighter copyright laws benefit both publishers, creators and consumers alike.

My local MP is Peter Bone from the Conservative Party. In the run up to the Digital Economy Bill being debated (and I use that term loosely), various online compaigns were set up encouraging us to contact our local MP.

Thanks to the wonderful TheyWorkForYou.com website, it's easy to write a letter to Peter Bone. As my friends know, I'm not exactly a fan of the Conservatives, but I did vote Tory in protest at Labour's support of the ongoing illegal and unethical wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There you have it, I'm admitting to having voted Tory. (Well, in the ward I lived in at the time, it was just Labour vs Conservative, no other options.)

I confess to having not known much about Peter before. I do recall my friend Kat Fiction a few years back, stating her shock at how the Tories prepared an election leaflet for Mr Bone, using the fact he resembled then-England-manager Sven Goran-Eriksson as a positive campaign point.

Oh hang on, there is something quite disturbing about Peter Bone. He opposed the minimum wage, and continues to oppose it. Such was his conviction that Peter Bone paid just 87p-an-hour to one of his workers back in 1995. "The minimum wage would condemn hundreds of thousands to the dole queue", he was quoted as saying.

However, when it comes to Peter Bone employing his wife, he thinks she deserves £40,000 a year.

So, should I have anything to do with this hypocritical charlatan? Something else stirred the memory banks. Drinking buddy Richard Lockwood wrote to to ask why the MP supported the laughable bunkum known as 'homeopathy', which would clearly be a waste of NHS money. The reply he got back from Peter Bone was, er, minimal to say the least.

Still, I felt so strongly about the Digital Economy Bill (and still do), that I decided to write to Peter Bone and see where it would take me. It wouldn't matter if I didn't like the man, what would matter is him speaking against it. After all, a lot of businesses in Wellingborough do depend on an open web to do commerce. I'm affected by any such changes, being a local web-designer, web-programmer and SEO consultant.

A look at Peter Bone's voting record shows some signs of a soul. He wanted an investigation into the Iraq war, voted against the government's draconian 'anti-terror' laws and is heavily against ID cards. Pretty commendable, I have to say.

However, with his stance against gay equal rights, he shows himself up as an embarrassing social dinosaur, no better than the US politicians who denied civil rights for black people. The Conservatives try to position themselves as a modern party, but the homophobia isn't far away.

Still, I announced my intention to write to Peter Bone, urging him to vote against the Digital Economy Bill, and a few of my friends followed my lead. I even got a reply:

One of my key roles as your representative in Parliament is to listen to my constituents and campaign on your behalf - in fact, this is the whole philosophy behind my "Listening to Wellingborough and Rushden" campaign.

You have raised an important issue and I have accordingly forwarded it onto the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport so that the government can fully take your opinions into account. I have also requested a response from the Department and I will, of course, forward on to you any that I may receive.

Sounding very nice indeed. Unfortunately, Peter Bone could not be bothered to turn up to the second reading of the bill. Actually, to be fair, 95% of MPs - our so-called 'public servants' - also could not be bothered to attend this essentially important debate.

And thus, we entered the next step as the technically-illiterate MPs present outnumbered those who actually understood the importance of a free internet for the UK's economy.

Yeah, cheers Peter Bone. Well done for your apathy. Well done for ignoring such an important issue. Obviously sitting in a £15k-a-year rented flat paid for by us taxpayers was a much better option?

I wrote back, airing my disappointments on his lack of action, and my intentions to blog about his failure to represent his constituents' views. His response:

Thank you for your e-mail. You will know that I have one of the best voting
records of any Conservative Member of Parliament and my attendance in the
House of Commons is second to none. You will also know that I fully support
the Conservative Party on the Digital Economy Bill. I am sure you will also
appreciate that sometimes Members of Parliament have to be in their
constituency and not in the Palace of Westminster. Unfortunately, Members
of Parliament are not able to be in two places at once.

With regards to your attack on me for being anti-gay-rights, you are
entitled to your opinion, but it is not correct. You may be interested to
hear that I was recently voted by Liberal Democratic Voice to be one of the
62 most Liberal non-Lib Dem MPs.

The "you are entitled to your opinion" statement is such a poor cop-out. A terrible cliche that is a verbal white flag. It signifies the fear of his old-fashioned views being held up to rationality.

In a similar fashion, he states that he supports the Bill (Conservatives back it) yet will not even dare discuss why he supports it.

I'd like to put it to this pauper-wage-loving technically-illiterate gay-despising taxpayer-money-wasting waste-of-space that he dare not enter into any debate, because he knows he will lose. He's backing whatever the Conservative Party say, because that's his easy career - claiming huge expenses from hard working people, denying them rights, imposing censorship and wishing he could cut their wages to a fraction of what they are.

Naturally, I won't be voting for this knowledge-lacking tosswit, and since his views have been spread via Facebook, other locals agree...

"I'm not voting for that useless twat, who didn't have the honesty to admit, on his first reply that he had no intention of voting against the bill."

"it is HIS JOB to be entitled to MY opinion. So the oily, lazy waste of space can drop dead."

"I've emailed him 6 times. Had 3 responses, two of which were pretty much stock letters and the third was a little more detailed, but boiled down to "I'll be talking to the secretary of state about it". My question was explicitly about his behaviour, nothing to do with the government or anyone else.

Now, my understanding is that an MP is supposed to represent their constituents. Ignoring them is not representation.... See more

I want him gone, unless he learns to
1) Read
2) Turn up on debates that matter instead of the pointless ones that just bump up his numbers"

"make all the candidates in a constituency work as a waiter in a 'Frankie n Bennys' for a month....whoever gets the most tips in that time obviously has the right work ethic and becomes the MP.....shimples!!"

"if they could be in two places at once they'd be claiming expenses for both"

To conclude, I've just realised why Peter Bone is in favour of a law that censors the web.

If you are a UK music fan, follow these instructions

Anybody who has ever gritted their teeth at the third play of a tedious James Blunt song during their working day will know how feeble commercial radio is for those who value music with passion, soul and sincerity.

If you're a fan of heavy rock, drum 'n' bass, punk, indie, reggae, ska, hard dance, electronica, funky house, Northern soul, blues, metal, etc, you will be all too familiar with the agony of Groundhog FM - the nightmare that is some witless local DJ churning out the same old tracks you heard yesterday, in between double-glazing adverts and his own 'in the newspapers today...' spiel.

The fact these charismaphobes are allowed near a microphone and feel no shame in inflicting the likes of Phil Collins, Dido and Bon Jovi on an entire county surely must be in breach of the Geneva Convention.

I'm no music snob, I do actually like plenty of mainstream music, quite a lot of it new. I admire the production behind Girls Aloud, I appreciate the simplistic exuberance of the Black Eyed Peas, and the punchy sound of Lily Allen.

However, there are times when the Clash's 'I Fought The Law' needs to be pelted out full blast. Times when the severely underrated M.I.A. should be on the airwaves, times when some full-on skanking from Toots And The Maytals can brighten an evening, and times when a long-forgotten Elastica track can stick a smile on your face.

To satisfy such desires, I've always recommended BBC 6 Music, a station that plays tracks that other broadcasters don't touch. From Craig Charles' Funk Show to the heart-warming surreal musings of Adam and Joe, with the wit and whimsy of Andrew Collins, this station is a pure gem, a rare showcase for esoteric tuneage.

You may not have heard of it (until recently) as it's stuck in the wastelands of DAB. According to the BBC's own surveys, the station has a mere 20% awareness among adults. I was surprised it was as high as that, as the Beeb have never done a good job of promoting 6music.

In the news today of course, BBC director general Mark Thompson has announced his intention to axe BBC 6 Music along with BBC Asian Network. The timing of which has to be brought into question, as a Conservative government is likely to be established soon. It seems like a sacrificial lamb offering.

Also, the BBC are continually blasted by the right-wing press for their dominance in mainstream media. The criticism is a curious parodox which is rarely questioned. One line is "you're doing too well, you're harming the business of your commercial rivals", and the other line is "incredibly low ratings, it should be axed". The idiots who spew out this bile, from the likes of bigot Richard Littlejohn and the ironically-surnamed Jon Gaunt, do so without acknowledging their own spectacular broadcasting failures.

Naturally, music lovers are starting petitions, Facebook groups, and even a flashmob to prevent the closure of 6music.

Whilst these are all very well and good, nothing can be going to the Powers That Be. In this case, the BBC Trust. The news may scream "BBC axes radio stations", but actually it's only a proposal there is time to save it.

Please e-mail the BBC Trust at srconsultation@bbc.co.uk to air your support of BBC 6music. Without significant recognition of this quality station, we could lose it at the end of 2011. BBC Trust chairman Sir Michael Lyons has admitted if "there's massive public concern that we need to take account of then we will go back to the director general to rethink the strategy before it's approved".

If an e-mail is inconvenient for you to write, you can always submit your views in the online consultation from the BBC Trust, all listeners and viewers invited to take part before 25th May, that also goes for the e-mails.

With that, I reproduce below the e-mail I sent.
Edit: As my friend Nic says in the comments to this blog entry, don't copy-and-paste this, just let it inspire you. Organisations don't look fondly on lots of people sending the same thing in!:

Dear BBC Trust,

I'm stunned at the proposals to close down digital radio stations 6music and Asian Network. The Director General believes 6music is competing too closely with commercial offerings and is too expensive to run, yet nothing could be further from the truth.

Within your established national portfolio of stations, 6music is easily the most unique. The intelligence, passion and eclectic choices in music - past and current - makes 6music an astonishing and well loved arena for people whose tastes are simply not served by any competing broadcaster.

The same cannot be said for many of your other digital services. BBC Three is currently a poor performer that's in the shadow of E4 and ITV2. Shows such as 'Joe Swash: I Believe In Ghosts' and 'My Man Boobs And Me' are cheap tawdry tabloid fare which has little appeal to its target audience.

I've also never understood why the BBC dedicate two channels for children's television. I'm not questioning the quality of CBBC or CBeebies, which are a breath of fresh air in comparison to commercial rivals' offerings (simply toy adverts masquerading as cartoons), yet I feel you could preserve costs by placing the pre-school output (CBeebies) during times when the usual CBBC audience are supposed to be attending school. The extra bandwidth saved could be used for a second HD service.

Of course, my issue is with the plans to decimate your digital radio services under the questionable notion that there's a feeling of overreaching into areas that are normally the preserve of commercial radio.

The irony is that your analogue-based stations have long been on commercial radio's doorsteps.

Global's Heart are moving in to mirror Radio 2, and judging by significant audience increases, it's up to the Beeb to make the next move. Radio 3 of course has a distinct commercial competitor in Classic FM, its popularity eclipsing your offering. Radio 5 thankfully outdoes the rather downmarket talkSPORT, but both chase the same audience.

BBC 6music costs just £9 million a year to run. Out of the TV License fee income of £4.6 billion, I would say that represents extremely good value for money. I only wish I could say the same for BBC Three, costing £115 million a year, with very few 'hits' to date.

The nearest commercial station to 6music? I feel embarrassed at even mentioning Xfm or Absolute Radio, two stations that play token 'alternative and indie' songs in daytime only if they've become big chart breakthroughs. They're usually overplayed and when it's a new band, it's just their one song they'll play.

Xfm's commitments to the listener are laughable. DJs have been made redundant in favour of an automated playlist that is narrow, safe and repetitive. It's no surprise that such DJs - Lauren Laverne, Shaun Keaveney, Guy Garvey, Adam and Joe, Stephen Merchant, etc - have found homes at 6music and have offered better shows as a result.

Absolute Radio's diet of soft rock and anthemic pop, with a prohibition on dance and hip-hop, is an anathema to the tastes of 6music listeners. There is simply no room for esoteric choices in obscure music when commercial interests have to be served.

Mark Thompson also states "low audience awareness" for 6music, yet this is down to the lack of promotion the station gets. BBC 1Xtra is continuously plugged on Radio 1 throughout the day, yet 6music (which has massive crossover appeal with Radio 1 listeners) is never mentioned. I'm not surprised at low figures.

If the cuts are allowed to go ahead, it would not just make a mockery of the BBC's public service commitments, it also devalues DAB as a platform, something which the BBC have been pioneers in introducing to the UK.

Need I remind you that commercial ventures with DAB have been predictable failures? On the television side of things, I'm sure we're familiar on how Granada and Carlton spectacularly let down all those who bought ON Digital/ITV Digital boxes, and it to the BBC's credit that it founded Freeview, which is now a highly acclaimed platform, serving as the most popular method of digital television for UK viewers.

With so much simulcasting of existing analogue stations, DAB is not a highly attractive offering, yet the BBC have done well to provide 1Xtra, 5Live, 6Music, Radio 7 and Asian Network. In wide swathes of provincial Britain, these are the only stations setting the platform apart from standard FM/AM radio. You have made DAB viable for me, in spite of commercial broadcasters fleeing the platform.

For the BBC's continued survival, it is important to support low-cost services which have a passionate audience. It's unquestionable value for the license payer and is true commitment to underserved audiences. I could not think of anything more 'BBC-esque' than what 6music does.

More people listen to 6music than buy the Times newspaper. Even with the station treated like a red-headed stepchild by the Corporation, its listener figures are actually commendable.

The BBC wisely paid tribute when John Peel died, a man whose ethos is represented by 6music. Why undo all that work by closing down a station due to questionable political pressure from vendetta-based campaigns run by press barons who wish the BBC quashed so they can monopolise the market for news?

I know this is going to be one of many thousands of emails sent to you on the subject of 6music, which simply reinforces why the station should be kept and hopefully, promoted!

Yours faithfully

Peter Thomas.