Time to top up my blog with more random spewings of vitriol. I've never really picked on barn door sized targets in my blogs, as I prefer a challenge. However, there's a lack of anything topical to write about really. I considered writing about the forthcoming public indoor smoking ban in England, pointing out the futility of splashing out a fiver every day to burn some dead leaves wrapped up in paper, although I've covered that last year.
I now find myself relying on that old comedy standby, the British National Party - an ever decreasing section of society that still believes "the blacks" are out to get their jobs.
Now, I know the vast majority of my readers are already against the BNP, and frankly, so is anyone with an IQ that runs into double figures or higher. I'm at risk of preaching to the choir here. The thing is though, the BNP itself loves to maintain that it has a non-racist attitude, that it's simply all about immigration issues, and "freedom of speech".
A few months ago, around Christmas time, a BNP supporter interrupted a conversation I was having with some friends at a taxi rank. He made it clear that he did not like my views, and made violent threats against me. Not just to me, but to the woman I was waiting there with too. So that's the respect they have for "freedom of speech".
Hang on, aren't I just tarring the entire British National Party with the same brush, based on the actions of a semi-literate knuckle-dragging can't-handle-his-drink tosser?
Well, the funny thing is that you can get an official view by visiting the BNP's official website. Look at their forums. You can only view and post on them if you're a member of the BNP. You have to give them money to even look at their views. Where else would "free speech" cost you money?
Luckily, they do have something resembling a letters page, representing the result of what could happen if scientists taught vermin to write.
"Islam is not a religion of peace. It's an advocate of murder and savagery. And a paranoid one at that." writes Pete McClintock from Manchester, who evidently skipped Sunday school when it came to learning some of the more unsavoury parts of the Holy Bible ("He who sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed" - Exodus 22:20).
Note the suggestion of paranoia in there. "I hope the organisers of this 'demonstration', and anyone who turns to take part, are arrested and charged with incitement", continued Mr McClintock, in a totally un-paranoid fashion, indeed.
Over to Arthur Hunt in Hull, who is a complete and utter hunt... "This small island will hold 40 million reasonably comfortably without undue strain on the environment, we passed that mark decades ago,at 60 million the tensions are beginning to show, more people will be unbearable."
S'funny, official statistics show that non-white people only make up just under 10% of the UK population, so we have 54 million whites. Mr Hunt here is being out of step with BNP policy if he wants to kick out 20m people. Obviously, they'd want all 6m non-Caucasians out, but then they're going to have to remove approximately 14,000,000 white British citizens in order to please the Crazy World Of Arthur Hunt. I wonder if BNP leader Nick Griffin is willing to adopt the slogan "We're The Party That Will Kick Out More Whites Than Non-Whites" for his next election
failure campaign? I can't see it going down well with the sub-amoebic cretins who normally vote for the BNP. Perhaps Arthur's idea is one of voluntary self-induced euthanasia.
BNP supporter Brian Hargreaves doesn't give any indication of his location, so I'm leaving this open to you, the reader, to suggest where he may live. Crack den? Cardboard box? HM Glen Parva? The choices are yours. Mark your envelopes with the phrase Twat Finder General. Anyway, Brian has some strong views on the "left", as if it's one collective group with no differing opinions whatsoever. "They think it is immoral for the BNP to say that the indigenous British should have priority over foreign immigrants in their own country, which their parents and grandparents fought and died for."
Yeah, it's funny to see a bunch of xenophobic social-inadquates bring up the issue of that whole Second World War thing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that was the United Kingdom defeating a load of despicable hate-filled racists. It makes me wonder why Nick Griffin chooses to daub the letters in the BNP logo with the Union flag, when Britain's greatest moment was actually playing a major key factor in the downfall of people who shared the BNP's views. As a 100% full British citizen, I'm wondering about setting up a class action lawsuit against Nick Griffin for misusing the term "British" and for daring to use the red, white and blue of my country's flag for his odious and ailing party.
The BNP have had very little success recently in elections. Last year, there were reports of bouncing cheques. I feel almost ashamed in taking the piss out of these sorry know-nothings, but then I think of the face of that BNP-supporting drunk muppet at the taxi rank who wanted to have a fight with me.
Always playing the victim, while wanting to victimise others, the BNP is the biggest hypocrite among the minor political parties of this country. They have a webpage where they attempt to counter "smears" from the "left-wing press". A lot of leaflets from anti-racist campaigners were distributed in the run up to the local elections, and the BNP's webpage begged for their supporters to print it out and to distribute it to friends and colleagues.
It's wild of them to assume that their voters actually have friends, but on the colleague front, how would you feel about a workmate handing you a printout where the first paragraphs are on why mixed-race marriages should be outlawed?
"Environmentalists are always keen to preserve unique animal species in the wild, so why shouldn't the same principle apply to people?" What a fantastic defence, eh? Taking that logic to its fullest extent, I feel pressured into starting a new career as a butcher, breaking into BNP HQ, finding all their members, humanely stunning them, and then serving them up as burgers and sausages for public consumption. Why shouldn't the same principle apply to people?
"The British National Party is not 'homophobic'" says their paragraph on homosexual attitudes. You can pretty much guess what happens next, can't you? First of all, we learn that the BNP recognises "homosexual relationships do not produce offspring". Blimey! These guys are on the ball, aren't they? Nothing gets past them.
"Homosexuality should not be promoted or encouraged" says the not-at-all-homophobic policy. The BNP is "opposed to the flaunting or celebrating of homosexuality which 'civil partnerships' represent". So, nothing remotely anti-gay there. If you're gay, well, you just have to learn to shut up while everyone else can talk about their relationships. Isn't that fair? Hmm...
"The definition of a racist is someone who hates people of other races. We do not hate anybody", they say, having just informed us of how gay people should not have the same rights as straight people, and how mixed race marriages should be discouraged.
After clarifying how anti-racist they really are, honest guv, you only need skip a few paragraphs to read a heading entitled "Why don't you let blacks and Asians into the BNP?" - which then leads into a rant that confirms they truly do not let blacks or Asians into the party. "The BNP isn't racist, but our purpose is to cater for the interests of the indigenous British population", continues the credibility-free argument, ignoring the fact that the vast majority of us indigenous Brits are actually quite happy to mix with people with darker skin colours. It's called tolerance, a word missing from all five pages of the BNP dictionary.
"Your leader is on record denying the Holocaust ever happened and claiming that Jews control the media – you are clearly an anti-Semitic party" is a rare glimpse of truth on the otherwise bovine-excrement filled page.
"Not at all. Dredging up quotes from 10, 15, 20 years ago is really pathetic and, in a sense, rather fascist." Hmm. I'll take that as a "yes" then. Speaking of which, in literally ten seconds, I've found some musings from Nick Griffin under the not-at-all-anti-semitic heading of "It's all a zionist scam", written in 2005.
My head is still reeling from the idea that quoting people from one or two decades ago is "rather fascist". I thought fascism was an authoritarian political ideology, but it's a different meaning in Griffinland. Then, further down, we have some definition of 'British' - "Britain was created as a nation, around 1,000 years ago". Ignoring that Mr Griffin has curiously rewritten his rule on dredging up the past, it's interesting to know that this rain-attracting lump of land stuck in north west Europe didn't exist before 1007AD.
Personally, I thought it was down to the last major ice age which took place around 10,000 years, causing this place to no longer be a peninsular on the Eurasian tectonic plate, resulting in a mix of Danes, Germans, Norwegians, Swedes, French, Irish, Italians and others over the years to populate this wind-swept tea-drinking isle. Hang on, that's a bit too multi-cultural for the likes of the BNP to understand. No wonder the next bit complains that "there are parts of our towns and cities which have become visibly foreign".
"We want a traditional Britain" claims the manifesto. Great. They want your wife to be raped by Scandinavian pirates, to have our monarchy handed over to any hasty arrow-flinging Frenchman, and have Italian anti-Christians running London. On the latter point, the neo-Romans might throw out the Congestion Charge, so there are in fact some positives among this drivel. No idea if your Oyster card would work on a Londinium Council horse and cart though.
"The BNP is, in fact, the most democratic party in Britain", says the same page that informed us that black and Asian people are banned from joining.
Any concerns about voting for this party? "No senior member of the BNP has any serious criminal convictions". As assurances go, this is rather like saying "95% of the orange juice you're about to drink does not have any semen in it". Just like the party's track record in trying to attract the electorate, you'll find it hard to swallow.
BNP supporters may comment on this blog entry, but they must do so in very large green lettering, in a font that resembles the kind of scrawl from a five year old's Crayola spree. This is in keeping with their non-digital style of writing, you see.